To be white, or straight, or male, or middle class is to be simultaneously ubiquitious and invisible. You’re everywhere you look, you’re the standard against which everyone else is measured. You’re like water, like air. People will tell you they went to see a “woman doctor” or they will say they went to see “the doctor.” People will tell you they have a “gay colleague” or they’ll tell you about a colleague. A white person will be happy to tell you about a “Black friend,” but when that same person simply mentions a “friend,” everyone will assume the person is white. Any college course that doesn’t have the word “woman” or “gay” or “minority” in its title is a course about men, heterosexuals, and white people. But we call those courses “literature,” “history” or “political science.”
This invisibility is political.
Feminism is like the red pill in the Matrix.
Suddenly you’re watching everyone walk around in this delusion and reality is terrifying.
There’s a reason this exists:
HOLY SHIT I HAD NO IDEA THIS GEM EXISTED.
THIS IS SO.. WOW. I CANT
sext: i want to pay bills and share household duties and approach our late 20’s in a financially and emotionally stable way with you
The odds of being attacked by a shark in the US are 1 in 11,500,000, but no one gets mad at people who want to avoid the ocean.
The odds of a woman being sexually assaulted in her lifetime are 1 in 6, but if she doesn’t feel safe around strange men she’s a stereotyping bitch.
Strange old world we live in.
The number of “get me out of here” tactics women have developed and shared to help each other escape from overly-insistent-to-borderline-predatory dudes in public places should probably be enough evidence of the existence of rape culture all on its own.
I especially like how, in the majority of cases, you don’t have to verbally communicate what your signals are to other women. I’ve had women I didn’t even know come save me. Literally every woman recognizes the “Dear god, help me” facial expression, and knows exactly what they should do. We don’t get a handbook for this. We don’t have a sit-down nail polish party where we talk about a standardized woman code for preventing creepers. It’s just part of being a woman.
BUT LOL RAPE CULTURE DOESN’T EXIST.
Yup. I’ve definitely taken strangers by the arm and pulled her aside to go, “Oh my GOD it’s you! How ARE YOU?!? It’s been so long!” and then been like “hey I could overhear that guy who wouldn’t leave you alone so I figured I’d give you an out” and then see their VISIBLY RELIEVED expressions. This is part of girl code, because rape culture is that pervasive.
I once had a girl sit on my lap and say “hey baby” after she witnessed a guy (who was easily 20+ years older than me) hitting on me and harassing me for my number even after I told him I was taken. After he got up and left she asked if I was okay. I couldn’t thank her enough times, I even bought her a drink.
When I was 16 years old, I went to a club with my mother to see a band perform. The part of the club where the concert was taking place was too hot and crowded, and I broke away from it before I had a full anxiety attack, though I was still visibly shaken. As I sat down at the bar, with my clearly marked under-18 hand stamp, an older man sat down next to me and started talking about how much nicer concerts were in his home country. He kept trying to offer me drinks, even though I already had a cup of ice. He would not leave me alone, even after I pointed out my hand stamp. Said that he preferred younger girls. I started to panic again.
A woman that was about 6’1” came over, grabbed me, and about screamed, “Girlfriend! I lost you in the crowd! Come on, your dad’s outside to get us!” She dragged me outside of the club, gave me a hug, and left. I ended up ditching my mum and actually calling my dad to pick me up.
Never ignore the ‘please help me’ face, ladies.
I’ve done the whole hey girl! We’re looking for you… Thing to rescue girls at gigs and clubs before (via dykeprivilege)